BONUS POST

Its vacation and I had some time, so I read the book Quiet by Susan Cain. All I can say is, wow! Knowing that I am an introvert, I figured I would find this book interesting. What I didn't know, was how accurately she would describe who I am. What I have found most challenging as an introvert, is being an introverted teacher. People who knew me as a child or even High School are often shocked to learn I have become a teacher. I was so "quiet" and introverted that they can't imagine how I could stand up in front of a classroom every day (I don't do this everyday anyway, but I get the point). The power of will is my only answer.

As a student teacher I learned that I loved being immersed in History and Social Studies in a classroom of students after I have gotten to know them. This is the part of school where I felt like I found my niche. Unfortunately there are a bunch of other parts of schools I don't enjoy, but I "fake it". Hallways are horrible. I spend as little time as I can in the hallways. Too many bodies, too much noise, too much chaos. Teenagers are not quiet in the halls, and it all makes me anxious. Assemblies in the Gym, parent evenings in front of large groups, the cafeteria, walking into someone else's classroom, bus rides on field trips, and other things I'm forgetting will all send my cortisol levels soaring and increase my anxiety. I also get easily anxious over talking on the phone, facilitating a meeting, and taking notes at a meeting. On demand performance in any setting stresses me out.

My preference as a student is to be lectured to. I like to listen, and I enjoy taking notes for myself. I totally understand for most that better learning takes place with some hands on activities and collaboration. But as a student, those things send my cortisol levels through the roof. Nothing makes me uneasy more than being in a group of colleagues, or even strangers, and someone telling us, "find a partner or a group of three". Well which is it? Two or three? Finding one or the other requires a different approach. How do you approach someone? Things race through my mind like, "what judgments have they made about me that would lead them to want or not want to work with me?" "Will my face turn red if I start to approach someone and either they approach someone else or already have a partner (or two)?" As a result, I freeze and do nothing. I look away from people and wait until the dust settles and maybe the facilitator will put me with someone. But my anxiety is through the roof. I'm sure this can come across to others as "he thinks he's too good to work with me". The reality is I will always work with anyone, I just need to be invited, not the inviter. Its not that I can't do group work, I can. Nothing is more music to my ears than, "I'm going to put you into groups of 2 or 3 so count off... ". I remember connecting with a former classmate over facebook and she told me her best memory of me was from gym class when we had to pick partners to dance with and it had to be a different person each time. She remembered that I was the only one who didn't seem to want to dance with her. In reality, I would have loved to dance with her, I was just too introverted to choose someone else.

Other areas of my job that are stressful are meetings. I get really stressed when I am asked to give input on things that I have only had a couple of minutes to actually think about. I feel like giving off the cuff gut reactions to ideas is a waste of time. I need time to think things through and feel settled, and confident that my response is sensical and backed up with good reasons. Why blurt out gut reactions and have some one else cut them down? You end up realizing they are right and I would feel a bit embarrassed that I hadn't thought of the point they made. So instead, I don't speak out. I ponder and think of both sides and possible outcomes and arguments for and against. Usually while I'm still in the midst of this some well-intended person says something like "Shane, you haven't said much" or "what are you thinking Shane?" Then I lose my place in my thoughts and my cortisol levels go up once again. I try to verbalize a bit of what I was thinking and it usually comes out wrong. Again, it feels like a waste of time except they now know I was thinking and it wasn't that I was choosing to not participate or upset or something.

These are all the things Susan Cain discusses in her book. What I found really interesting was the research. That being introverted is connected to the amygdala in the Brain. The research involved identifying babies who were "highly reactive" to stimuli like dogs barking, sirens, flashes of light, etc. I am sure I was a highly reactive baby. I still am to a certain extent. Much of the time I can fake it, but it drains my energy to fake it. Loud restaurants, sporting events, concerts, shopping in stores all stress me out. But when I am energized and feeling good I can think my way through it. I just pretend that it doesn't bother me, almost like I am acting. This is how I cope with school too. Its much worse at the start of the year when I don't yet know my students. This is my theory, but basically the more I fake it, the more I build up a "shield". In the summer, when school is not in session, my shield diminishes over time. So when the school year starts every year, my shield is way down. Every class of the day takes a tremendous amount of energy, and I am exhausted at the end. I'm ready for bed by 6 pm each night. I wake up early the next day feeling anxious. My brain has to preview what will happen that day. What I basically am doing in each class, any meetings, etc. My plans have to be meticulous for the day. I have to have them planned to the minute to lessen my stress. Each day that goes by, my shield slowly increases. As my shield increases, my level of planning doesn't have to be as detailed. I don't think as much about the day ahead. Routine eases my anxiety. A low shield is not good. Not only does in stress me out, but it gives me tunnel vision. One time I walked by a student talking on their cell phone in the hallway and met another teacher. The teach stopped me and asked if I was going to speak to the student as they should be in class. I hadn't noticed the student. I really hadn't. How is that possible, right? When my shield is low, I have to keep focused on a task in order to keep my stress down. In this case it was whatever mission I was on and so I didn't notice the student. I don't think the other teacher believed me, and I get that. In the Fall, I stay out of the hallways as much as possible until my shield increases. Usually by the end of October, my shield has increased to the point where I don't get as exhausted. By February, My shield is at full strength and I don't notice these issues as much at all. Then summer comes, and I start the whole process over again.

Power poses are another way I cope. The work of Amy Cuddy who teaches at the Harvard Business School has been very helpful for me in faking it. I wish I had realized what an insight this was. I may have actually discovered this before she did. When I started teaching, I learned that if I memorized my lessons ahead of time and spoke in an authoritative voice, I could "fake it". I plan where I will be in the room and when, then I make notes for my self and I follow them. I plan on calling on students who did not volunteer in advance. I even pick days of the week in the Fall when I will go into the hallway just to tell students to go to class. All of this helps me to "fake it". But I have to plan it, be intentional, and just tell myself I am acting. I have observed other people doing these things, so I just make mental notes of what they do, and do it the way they do. It seems to work, and I even feel less stressed after doing these things. But Cuddy's studies around how body language actually decreases or increases the cortisol levels in the body was my confirmation.

The first time I was asked to speak at graduation was tough. I spent what was usually a lesser anxiety time of year, in deep anxiety. I ended up giving a speech that was similar to another speech given by someone else. That was they only way I could get through it. The second time I spoke at graduation, it was better, it was short and sweet. But it was still anxious for me and difficult. The last time I spoke was the best. My topic, was this very issue! I spoke about "faking it" and about power poses and the work of Amy Cuddy. It was a big hit. But even then, I was filled with anxiety and "faking it".

So yes, I sometimes do a power pose before class. I spend many a morning gripped with anxiety. I sit quietly in meetings trying to ponder and process my thoughts. I avoid large, noisy crowds and talking on the phone as much as possible. But I am not shy. Among my friends, I will joke, sing karaoke, wear costumes, play games, etc. I would also much rather put this in a blog or a journal than talk to someone about it. If I am quiet or shy in a group, it usually means a have a lot of reverence and respect for that group and see myself as a bit of an outsider. It doesn't mean that I am stuck up (I've been accused of this) or apathetic. I am so happy to have read this book and I thank Susan Cain for writing it. It is possible to be a teacher and an introvert, its just not very easy!

PS- one final thought... an added bonus of being an introverted teacher is that I think I can relate better to introverted students. I'm not entirely sure of this, I can we'd have to ask an introverted student of mine directly. But I understand my introverted students, and perhaps where an extrovert might see them as apathetic, disengaged, stuck up, or even boring I get that most of the time that is not the case. I like to think this is a good thing for their that I can relate to them.

Vacation, then the sprint to the finish!

The last week before vacation always seems like everyone is trying to get a bunch of stuff done so they feel better about doing less during the week after when we are on vacation. As a result, it tends to be a busy week. this week was no exception.

I went to Thomas College on Tuesday and attended my first Dual Enrollment meeting. Some folks from my school and Thomas are meeting together on a program that would allow High School students to earn an Associate's Degree from Thomas College through some classes offered on our campus, a few on Thomas' campus, and a few online.  All of this at no cost to the students. I will be teaching 4 classes next year that are Dual Enrollment classes, and I am very interested in College level work in particular. This is all very interesting to me as a result. Who knows, I might consider moving to that level on a permanent basis some day?

I also met with the Maine Council for the Social Studies on Wednesday evening, for our regular Board meeting. We discussed our plans for the Fall Conference. On May 30 we will be hosting our annual conference at the Morgan Hill Event Center in Hermon, ME. We are still receiving proposals form folks who like to present, but we will also have vendors set up and are very excited to have a guest speaker. Jenny Buccos has given talks nationwide, including TED talks. Her goal with her Project Explorer work, is to spread  educate to all around the US about cultures in other parts of the world. She is very energetic and will be a great Keynote speaker for our conference. I met her through the Twitter chat on Monday nights at 7pm. Anyone can participate with the #sschat. This is all very exciting work, and keeps us very busy.

(Jenny Buccos from a TED talk)

In my U.S. history classes, we are studying World War Two. This includes the causes of the war, and the impact of the War on people in the US. We looked at Japanese- American Internment, the Holocaust, and the use of the Atomic Bomb as well. It was a great week as I am very interested in all of these topics!

In Sacrifice for Freedom, we continued our work to plan for an assembly to honor Lewis Frelan Goddard. Our school's Leadership Team approved our proposal for May 13, and WCSH 6 News will be here to cover it. This is the announcement I sent to our Staff:

"Hi Staff,
We wanted to give everyone a heads up about an assembly coming up on May 13. The Sacrifice for Freedom class has received permission to hold an assembly on Wednesday May 13th from 2 to 2:30 pm for the whole school.

We have been working on gathering many stories of people who lived through the World War Two years and will be posting these stories on a website (link will be shared later this spring). Some of these folks were German POW’s in Houlton, ME, some were from the area and served in the war, some participated in the resistance in Europe. We have been working with a man who lives nearby, Mr. Goddard saw the media coverage from two years ago around the project we did on the Maine soldier buried in France. He came to the school as his brother is buried in the same cemetery. He has shared with us a scrapbook and sat down to do several sessions of oral history. Mr. Goddard’s brother, Lewis Frelan Goddard, was a First Sergeant in the US Army during World War Two and a member of the Highly secret Operation Jedburgh. His “Team Ivor” parachuted into France in August of 1944. Goddard was killed while parachuting in. His body was recovered by locals in a small town and they hid him from the Nazi’s. This story is documented in the scrapbook and was learned by Mr. Goddard when he traveled to France in the 1970’s and met some of the veterans of the French Resistance.

So moved by this story, we have received permission from the Superintendent to erect a permanent monument here on school grounds to Lewis Frelan Goddard and the sacrifice he made. We are still working on getting the small monument constructed, but the plan is for it to include a hawk and a small plaque with basic information about Lewis Goddard.

So we are very excited about this as well! I will be blogging about it and posting links to our website and any news coverage! Now for a nice week off to get rested for the last 6 weeks of the school year!

Another break on the horizon

April typically means Teen Issues at Maranacook. the school has a long tradition of offering a day or two of alternative programming that teens are interested in. We set aside classes for the day and invest time in these programs instead. We rely heavily on outside presenters to come in and discuss social and emotional issues as well as career related opportunities. This includes presentations from the ACLU, a Game Warden, Family Planning, Substance abuse, fitness experts, and more. This year I was sick and missed it, but from what I understand it was fabulous as usual.

In U.S. history we have been learning about the Depression and the Dust Bowl. Students made use of resources from the DBQ project to analyze primary sources and craft an essay arguing the cause of the Dust Bowl. We also watched the excellent Ken Burns film about the Dust Bowl. This is a great way to connect environmental concerns to history and personalize the experience for students who made connections to the current drought in California.

Students in Sacrifice for Freedom continue work on planning for our website to tell the stories of people who lived through World War Two. They also started planning the school-wide assembly in May to recognize Lewis Ferlan Goddard. I am very excited for my students and the work they have done using both a foreign language and history skills in this work. Their websites will be fantastic, and the assembly should be amazing!

Also this week students in Psychology shared projects about famous experiments in Psychology and their impact on our current understanding of Psychology. These were multimedia presentations in which we learned about the Bobo Doll experiment, the Chameleon effect, the Marshmallow test, and more. I really enjoy discussing  and analyzing this work and its a great way for students to understand the process for conducting experiments in Psychology.

I was able to connect with educator Jenny Buccos using Twitter and #sschat on Monday nights. She has agreed to waive her fee and be our keynote speaker at the Maine Council for the Social Studies annual Conference in October. She is fantastic, and we are lucky to have her!

That's it? Yes, that's it! It was a busy week and I was also sick for two days. I have decided that next school year I will only blog once or twice a month. I think that will produce deeper and more analytical blogs for me to reflect on my work. Also, some weeks it feels like I don't have much to say! I will say this... one week until vacation!

The end of March

Things are coming together nicely for our attempt to honor the memory of Lewis Ferlan Goddard. We heard from WCSH 6 and reporter Jackie Ward. They plan to come to school for an assembly we are planning to honor the memory of Lewis Goddard.  The end of this year should be very exciting.

Speaking of exciting, I'm starting to get excited about the trip to France. In June, my wife and my son will help me chaperone 5 High School Students in Paris for three days. Then we will take them to host families in the city of Vannes and stay in an apartment nearby for two weeks. We plan to visit Normandy while we are there as well. This will be my third trip, but the first for my family. It should be a lot of fun!

This week we were studying the Depression and the Dust Bowl in my U.S. History classes. This included piltoing a unit from the DBQ project which I will report back on in May at a workshop. It also included the use of the fabulous Ken Burns documentary The Dust Bowl.

 

My AP class traveled to the Margaret Chase Smith Library and Museum this week for our annual field trip. The Staff there is very helpful and organized. They gave a nice overview of the Library and gave us a tour of the Museum and her home. Senator Smith was the first woman to serve in the House and the Senate and the first to be considered by a major party for a Presidential nomination. She became famous for standing up to Joe McCarthy during the Red Scare in the 1950's. Her Library has the largest collection of Cold War era documents on the east coast. She was an inspirational woman and the students enjoy learning about her. My students also get time in the Library examining the documents and practicing the skills needed for document analysis on the AP exam coming up in May. Dr. Richards and the entire staff are always very helpful and supportive! In addition, the Library funds our trip to see them each year. What a great experience!

I had a guest speaker in my Ethics class this week. A former student of mine is a Game Warden and is featured on the Animal Planet TV Show North Woods Law. He came in and spoke about law enforcement and ethical issues Game Wardens face. He did a great job with the students and they really enjoyed learning from him. Plus, its really cool to see a former student out there doing great things!

(Game Warden Ethan Buuck)

Next week will be busy! With only two weeks until vacation, we are working hard planning the assembly for Mr. Goddard and preparing for the AP exam. The best thing with April's arrival, however, is the warm weather!